for very large values of two
Heart with infinity symbol
I could probably write this page once a week, and it would be different each time.

I define myself as poly, but I think in large part it's less about what I want to do as it is about what I want to be free to do. I have huge honkin' control issues, and if you tell me I'm not allowed to do something I'm a lot more likely to want it. I'm just contrary, I guess.

So I've done the monogamy thing, and although the relationship itself was one I valued, I gradually became less and less happy about what felt like the restrictive aspect of it. I was doing the monogamous thing solely because it was, "What You Are supposed To Do". We ended up making several attempts to restructure the relationship, but eventually it just became really obvious that we just wanted different things and in the end we seperated as friends.

Since then I've had a number of different relationships, each one of them very different. At least one of them different enough to make me seriously consider giving up on the idea of poly altogether. At the moment, however, I am quite content with the status of my two relationships and very happy to leave it at that. Quite frankly, I don't have the time for any more.

Talking

At one point I spent a lot of time participating in the alt.polyamory newsgroup and on an on-again, off-again basis on the polyamory mailing list. In the course of some of the discussions I had with my partners and with other poly people, a few topics come up that I wanted to write about.


Stuff

Poly seems to really have become a lot better known in the past ten years, at least among younger net-savvy types. I don't get nearly as many blank looks when I try to explain my relationship structure.

Still, it's not something that most people have a lot of prior experience with, so having places to ask questions and compare experiences can be really useful when you're trying to figure out all the rules and expectations. People who are interested in learning more about polyamory might want to check out a few of these links;

  • The PolyCanada mailing list.
  • A couple of years ago, BC started the Toronto Poly Social Group for people in the Toronto area to get together and discuss issues relevent to our lives or just hang out with people who don't think we are from Mars. It went on hiatus, started up again, and now appears to be back on hiatus. People still do use the list occasionally for discussion and planning get-togethers.
  • The Golden Horseshoe Poly Group includes members from Niagara Falls, Kitchener-Waterloo, Mississauga, Dundas and Toronto. They meet monthly for Sunday brunches. Meetings are announced on the Toronto Poly mailing list.
  • The Ethical Lovers Poly Group was born out of a workshop and has been going strong in Toronto for several years. They intentionally don't have a net presence, but notices of meetings are posted to the Toronto Poly mailing list and to several of the local bi lists.

  • The alt.polyamory newsgroup homepage. FAQ'S, book and movie titles, and other links.
  • The Polyamory.com Resource Page.
  • Livejournal has a Polyamory community that hosts some, um, lively debates.
  • For those looking for doctors, therapists, lawyers, etc, a list of Poly-Friendly Professionals
  • A periodical resourse is Loving More Magazine.
  • For those who have trouble making head or tail of all the initials that people use to refer to the many combinations and permutations in their relationships, Joe Melhado has compiled a list of poly acronyms.



Barromean Heart created by Jeff.

Last Updated July 12 2004.

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